Wonderland
by Pedellea
Summary: Laynie tries to escape her wonderland, but things don't turn out the way she wants. A future fic.
1. Downward Spiral

**TITLE**: Wonderland (1/3)   
**AUTHOR**: Pedellea   
**E-MAIL**: pedellea@hotmail.com   
**DATE**: April 8, 2003   
**RATING**: PG-13 for attempted suicide   
**SUMMARY**: Laynie tries to escape her wonderland, but things don't turn out the way she wants. A future fic.   
**SPOILERS**: none   
**DISCLAIMER**: Everwood belongs to Greg Berlanti, Mickey Liddell, Everwood Utah, Inc., Berlanti Liddell Productions, and Warner Bros. Television.   
**AUTHOR'S NOTES**: This story is based loosely on the lyrics of Plumb's "Pennyless". For some reason, the album always reminded me of Everwood, with it's moody and dark tones. I had to write it. I hope you enjoy it, and please let me know what you thought about it afterwards. Thanks! 

WARNING! There is a scene of an attempted suicide. If you're not comfortable with this kind of subject material, I suggest that you turn back now. 

* * *

**WONDERLAND (1/3)**   
By Pedellea 

Blind soul lost in Chicago   
She fell asleep under a bridge   
Drowning out the sound of her sorrow   
She's finding it hard to exist 

She keeps running into herself   
Hoping to find somebody else   
She keeps running into herself   
Hoping that she'll get out of wonderland 

Fame and fortune didn't become her   
So she says pennyless   
Needing so much more than tomorrow   
As she stares at the scars on her wrist 

She keeps running into herself   
Hoping to find somebody else   
She keeps running into herself   
Hoping that she'll find somebody better 

"Pennyless" - Plumb 

* * *

She had nothing left anymore. 

The truth is Laynie never had anything to begin with. Not an anchor in the world. She never felt rooted anywhere - not in Everwood, not at Saint Anne's, not in college, and not now, in her lonely apartment in Chicago. 

After Colin died, she escaped Everwood for good, but not without enduring two more years of parental neglect, even with Colin out of the picture. She remained at Saint Anne's, only returning for the banner holidays of the year because everyone else did. Her parents didn't care one way or another - they never asked her to come back, nor did they ask her to leave. They just seemed to be so engulfed in the grief of losing Colin that they forgot about their daughter. It hurt her deeply, but after a while, she pushed aside her pain so she could live on. 

She searched far and wide for a college in her last year of high school, turning as far as the universities and colleges in Canada, in hopes of escaping the wonderland that she was caught in. She finally settled on going to New York University, majoring in English and American Literature. Her parents turned up for her high school graduation, but she's never seen them since. She didn't really care though. Her past was not something she wanted to be reminded of anyway. 

At NYU, she discovered a passion in acting. She had already been doing it all these years of her life, and nothing seemed to suit her better - she could hide herself behind the characters she portrayed. She won local acclaim for the work that she did, and even found time for romance in her life. For once in her life, instead of feeling like the black sheep, she actually enjoyed herself and the company of those around her. 

In her excitement, she exchanged several e-mails with Ephram to tell him of her accomplishments. He seemed to be the only person who understood her back in Everwood, and she felt it appropriate to at least inform someone from home of her successes. He congratulated her, wishing her the best. In turn, she found out that he was also in New York, Amy in tow. She was happy for them, although admittedly jealousy still creeps up the cracks of the box she buried her hurtful past in. They never met up during her fours years there, but at the time, she thought nothing of it. They were both busy people, with their own lives to tend to. 

Dreams never remained permanent in Laynie's life. In an impulsive desire of pursuing a career in acting after graduating from NYU, she packed her bags and moved to Chicago with her boyfriend as an opportunity presented itself. However, as everything else in her life, it all turned sour again. She lost a critical audition that would have secured her fame, and worst of all, she found out that her boyfriend was cheating on her. Her friends in New York had no time to support her as they had their own pursuits to chase after. 

So Laynie found herself sitting alone in her apartment in Chicago, contemplating her life. The painful past that she had so well concealed all these years began to flood back into her memories, and as they intertwined with the hurts of the present, she began to cry. She thought she had finally found the place where she belonged, an anchor to call home. Even that was crudely taken away. 

Was there anything to live for anymore? 

The thought consumed her. Taking a swig of the wine bottle clutched in her shaking hand, she thought about how good it would feel to at last escape this wretched world. She tried to make something for herself, didn't she? It crashed with a magnificent bang, just like the wine bottle she threw against the wall. 

She got up suddenly, finding a purpose in life. The irony of it was that she found it in death. There wasn't anything or anyone to live for anymore. She was the only one left in her world, and she was tired of living just for herself. 

In a blur, she pulled out a knife from her sparsely used kitchen - such a waste, for it had been one of her favourite features of the apartment. As she began slicing her own wrists in a frenzied way, she felt no physical pain, for the emotional anguish threatened to eat her inside out. Slowly, everything started melting away, and she backed against the wall, sliding down along it. Her torment sapped away with her strength, and in her fuzzy mind, only one thought stood out - she would finally escape her wonderland. 

The last thought that floated in her mind was if anyone still cared enough to find her dead body. Then she allowed the darkness to take her into its comforting arms. 

* * *

To be continued... 


	2. Failure

**TITLE**: Wonderland (2/3)   
**AUTHOR**: Pedellea   
**E-MAIL**: pedellea@hotmail.com   
**DATE**: April 8, 2003   
**RATING**: PG-13 for attempted suicide   
**SUMMARY**: Laynie tries to escape her wonderland, but things don't turn out the way she wants. A future fic.   
**SPOILERS**: none   
**DISCLAIMER**: Everwood belongs to Greg Berlanti, Mickey Liddell, Everwood Utah, Inc., Berlanti Liddell Productions, and Warner Bros. Television.   
**AUTHOR'S NOTES**: This story is based loosely on the lyrics of Plumb's "Pennyless". For some reason, the album always reminded me of Everwood, with it's moody and dark tones. I had to write it. I hope you enjoy it, and please let me know what you thought about it afterwards. Thanks! 

WARNING! There is a scene of an attempted suicide. If you're not comfortable with this kind of subject material, I suggest that you turn back now. 

* * *

**WONDERLAND (2/3)**   
By Pedellea 

The first thing Laynie was aware of was the soft beeping noises that went on unceasingly. It reminded her of sitting beside Colin's bed in his last days on earth as he floated out of the world. 

This must be hell, she thought to herself. How cruel that fate assigned her to suffer this annoying noise for the rest of eternity. Maybe it was a penance for her failure to say goodbye to her beloved brother, but was it really her fault that he never woke up from the seizure that ultimately took his life? She thought suicide would bring peace and silence, not torture. She groaned at the thought. 

From far away, she heard her name being called. The voice was gentle and familiar, and it reminded her of her teenage days. The voice called again, and she searched hard in her cloudy mind for a name. A deep but tender tone... Ephram? What was happening? 

She struggled to open the iron doors to her eyes. Everything was so blurry, but she made out the vague features. It was Ephram. What was he doing in her hell...? 

"Laynie. Thank God. We were so worried..." 

Does this mean she didn't die? She was so confused. Ephram caught on her perplexity and tried to comfort her. 

"It's okay. Everything's okay. We'll talk more later, okay? The doctors are going to take a look at you." 

So she hadn't escaped her wonderland. Why couldn't she get away? Allowing the doctors to tend to her, the world began to blur around her as she pondered what it all meant. 

* * *

A little short, but the next chapter will be longer. I promise. :o) 


	3. Hope

**TITLE**: Wonderland (3/3)   
**AUTHOR**: Pedellea   
**E-MAIL**: pedellea@hotmail.com   
**DATE**: April 8, 2003   
**RATING**: PG-13 for attempted suicide   
**SUMMARY**: Laynie tries to escape her wonderland, but things don't turn out the way she wants. A future fic.   
**SPOILERS**: none   
**DISCLAIMER**: Everwood belongs to Greg Berlanti, Mickey Liddell, Everwood Utah, Inc., Berlanti Liddell Productions, and Warner Bros. Television.   
**AUTHOR'S NOTES**: This story is based loosely on the lyrics of Plumb's "Pennyless". For some reason, the album always reminded me of Everwood, with it's moody and dark tones. I had to write it. I hope you enjoy it, and please let me know what you thought about it afterwards. Thanks! 

WARNING! There is a scene of an attempted suicide. If you're not comfortable with this kind of subject material, I suggest that you turn back now. 

* * *

**WONDERLAND (3/3)**   
By Pedellea 

When Laynie woke up again, she felt less muddled. Her throat felt really dry, and she couldn't swallow. Opening her eyes, she saw Ephram once again, sitting on the bedside chair, reading a magazine. 

"Water." 

It came out as less than a whisper, but from the way he reacted, it seemed like a deafening boom. He put down the magazine and leaned closer to her. 

"Water?" 

She nodded, wishing that she could have said something a little more meaningful to him as an introduction. But true to nature, she had to satisfy her physical needs first. 

"I'll be back." 

He disappeared out the door like lightning, but came back just as promptly as he had left, bearing a cup of ice chips. Sitting down again, he brought some ice chips up to her mouth, and the liquid soothed her throat a bit. 

"Want more?" 

She shook her head. 

"How are you feeling? 

She shrugged and closed her eyes. What was she supposed to say? Sucks that I wasn't successful? Everything's right with the world since I'm still around? She decided to change the subject. 

"How did you find me?"   
"I was in town for a concert. Amy got a call about you back in New York, so she called me. I couldn't miss the chance to see an old friend, could I?" 

She reopened her eyes to examine Ephram's features. He looked sincere enough with a sad smile adorning his handsome face. He was always trying to make light of any situation. Laynie appreciated it, but she didn't deserve him taking his time out of his schedule to care for her. 

"Didn't have to."   
"Yes, I did. Look, I'm your friend, Laynie. And somehow I let you down. I think we all let you down. That's not fair to you." 

Was it possible that people back home still cared for her? That possibility had long vanished from her mind, ever since the day she packed her bags and headed for New York. She had learned to take care of herself in these past six years. 

"I'm a big girl." 

Ephram understood her implication. 

"Yeah, but big girls need someone to fall back on too." 

Laynie mused over his remark for a while. She had been the one who shut out everyone from her past, save the few e-mails she exchanged with Ephram. She never figured anyone back home even remembered about her. When the silence grew a little too lengthy, Ephram spoke out. 

"Laynie, I called your parents." 

He had the look of guilt on his face, as if he had broken an unspoken secret pact. It was weird how she had known him for the least amount of time back in her Everwood days, but he knew her the most out of everybody. They had always been joined together like comrades fighting a battle against an unwanted life in Everwood. 

"What did you say?"   
"That they're daughter is in the hospital. They're here, you know." 

Laynie furrowed her brows in confusion and almost in dread. Could she face them in this kind of condition? 

"Where?"   
"Well, they're here, in Chicago. But I sent them back to their hotel for some rest. They were up all night, watching you sleep. "   
"Are they worried?"   
"Worried out of their minds. It took me a while to convince them to leave, too. They're probably going to be back soon." 

Laynie realized that there was so much she didn't know about the world back in Everwood. She figured that her parents had forgotten about her, or were still too distracted about Colin's death to care. 

"They're really proud of you, you know. We all are."   
"About what?" 

Ephram laughed a little. 

"Your acting. I've read the reviews in the papers. Your mom even keeps a scrapbook with articles about your performances. She brought it up with her."   
"How does she know?"   
"They're not oblivious. They keep tabs on you." 

There was a twinkle in his eye and a lightness in his voice that somewhat lifted her moody spirits up. She had forgotten how good it felt to be in the company of friends. Perhaps this wonderland wasn't so bad after all. 

He smiled warmly at her, and for the first time in many months, she smiled a small but genuine smile. She knew Ephram wasn't only pretending to care about her, because being an actress, she knew how to spot feigning from a mile away. 

She yawned then, feeling like she had talked to Ephram for hours on end. He got the signal. 

"Why don't you get some sleep now, and we'll chat more later?" 

She nodded, flashed another rare smile, and closed her eyes. There was a lot to take in from their conversation alone, yet she was grateful for every single minute of it. 

"Thanks." 

She could only mouth the words now, with her whisper voice gone. 

"Sleep well." 

The corners of her mouth twitched up in a smile in reaction to his response. Final enough to be considered a parting, but open enough to lead to future conversation. Ephram - always the thoughtful one. 

With these thoughts in her mind, and knowing that all was not lost in the world, Laynie drifted back to a dreamless sleep. 

**THE END**

* * *

Laynie's another wonderful character to explore in this show. Lots of layers to peel from her... I hope she will be back soon. This story will probably not have a sequel, but only time can tell. Thanks for reading it. Please let me know what you thought about it! You are also more than welcome to leave a review for me. Thanks! 


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